Let's Be Smarter Than 5th Graders When We Talk About Police Reform.
“You have to pick a side, Cindy, or we will all be mad at you.”
As I stood in my elementary school bathroom, the official meeting place for 5th-grade girl court, Allison declared that if I didn’t choose between Paula and Angie that all the girls in the 5th grade would be mad at me. That morning, Allison had used her new calligraphy pens to create a formal document for all the girls in my class to sign and declare who we were friends with, Paula or Angie.
After forty years, I don’t remember what Paula and Angie were even fighting about. What I remember is the anguish of my decision. It felt like an impossible weighty choice and I agonized over my decision. In all my 10-year-old wisdom, I could only see two girls that I wanted to remain friends with.
When Allison’s note was passed to me, I thought it was clever to sign my name in the middle with curly arrows pointing to both sides. I also drew a palm tree for each side, because “who doesn’t like palm trees?”.
Apparently, Allison didn’t like palm trees or my attempt to bring both sides together with my name largely in the middle, no matter how many curly arrows I drew!
As I look at what is happening in our country, part of me feels like that same little girl cornered in the bathroom being pushed to choose between two sides when I care about both. But I’m not a little girl and I won’t be silenced or forced to defend things I don’t believe. I see both sides of these issues and I desperately want others to understand the things I see.
I care deeply about the need for police reform. At the same time, my heart breaks for the dedicated officers who are dealing with all the repercussions of a broken system. Our methods of arguing on social media make it almost impossible for us to seek meaningful solutions because it is so much easier to see the other side as the enemy when you are sitting behind a computer screen or scrolling through your phone.
I grieve over the fear that is sweeping through police forces across the country because of the attacks against LA police officers. I cringe at the callousness towards their lives and the loss to their families. I am praying for healing and peace.
At the same time, I can’t quit seeing the need for reform. I can’t make myself choose a side.
I choose to honor the humanity of both sides. To grieve the losses on both sides. And to continue to push for meaningful reform.
My heart aches this morning. I am praying for a better future. I am sorry if anything I said makes you feel less than worthy of love. That was never my intent.
There is hope when we see beyond all of this. It includes you and your voice, your story. We never win by shutting out the other side. I can boldly say that black lives matter and still care about everyone else’s lives too. I can say the phrase black lives matter and not have to defend everything that every person has ever done in the name of the black lives matter movement. I say, “black lives matter” because my black friends aren’t sure that white people see what is happening and care. So, I will have it tattooed on my forehead if it makes them feel loved. I’m not discounting your voice. I won’t be pushed into that corner.
“I say, “black lives matter” because my black friends aren’t sure that white people see what is happening and care. So, I will have it tattooed on my forehead if it makes them feel loved. I’m not discounting your voice. I won’t be pushed into that corner.”
I come from a mostly conservative background. I see wrong on both sides and value on both sides. I see evil people using our pain to push their own agendas and causing us to attack our neighbors rather than the evil systems. I refuse to do that.
By the way, the most important police reform happens at the state and local level. When we stop arguing and hating, we can help both sides by creating better systems. I care about my friends who are cops. I want better systems for them. Systems that reflect the heart they went into law enforcement with. And to make these systems better for all of us, we need to have a lot of serious discussions. We need to dream of a better future together.
The truth is, none of us know what the best answer is because we have never been here before. We will get there sooner if we can work together and evaluate our results without having to choose sides. It is time to all be on the same team! This isn’t 5th grade, this is real life and we can do better.
Thanks for reading and still being my friend even if I didn’t sign my name in your column!
Blessings,
Cindy