Hope for the Women Religion Pushed Aside

My Story: Being Pushed Aside in Ministry

Years ago, I started a regional ministry for migrant workers. In this ministry, I recruited and trained workers, created a budget, raised money, ordered supplies, met with community leaders and did countless other tasks. After a few years of working in this ministry, my friend Jennifer came up to me with a newsletter from the tri-county Baptist Association.

Jennifer was clearly annoyed. “Who is this guy on the cover?”

“Oh, that’s John. He’s the director of missions for the Baptist Association.” Jennifer was not a Christian but she was an ESL teacher so we worked together on a lot of projects. Still, I wasn’t sure why she was angry. Frankly, I was proud that he had come by to write an article about all the work we were doing through the ministry I started.

Jennifer didn’t share my enthusiasm. “Why is this John guy taking credit for all the work you do?”

“He’s the director of missions for three counties. It’s an honor.”

Jennifer was fuming. “What the hell difference does that make? There are hundreds of people who volunteer at these things and he doesn’t do shit. Why is he taking all the credit? What a pompous ass.”

Until that moment, I had never considered why I let this guy take credit for things I did. I had honestly felt honored that he shared stories about the work being done. I thought I was being humble. My friend’s anger made me realize that I was being used and pushed aside. I was a tool to further John’s agenda.

The problem was, I had a long history of being disrespected by men in church, a ton of shame baggage, and a lot of insecurity. It took me another ten years to break free (mostly) and see my value.

God Values Women

Thankfully, once you free yourself from the lens of de-valuing women, the Bible has a ton to say about how much God values us.

For example, in Matthew 1:1-17, Matthew shares a genealogy. I know. Super boring. Until you consider the cultural context and Matthew’s original ancient patriarchal audience.

Consider that Matthew was writing to ancient Jews living under Roman rule. During this time period, great Greco Roman philosophers based many of their beliefs about women on the works of Aristotle and Plato. Aristotle believed women were incomplete males. He taught that women had some value, but they were always to be regarded as a lesser version of a male. Therefore, men should never imitate anything feminine. Plato slightly elevated women. He believed women who were in the highest levels of society should be educated because they could help in some ways.

I’m aware that this is a gross oversimplification of mounds of philosophical rhetoric. But the gist of the matter is: ancient people did not value women. They didn’t trust their testimonies in court. Most people didn’t believe they were worth educating on any level. Women’s main purpose was to have children. They were considered emotional, unreliable, and weak in every way a person can be weak. The fact is, we don’t know many stories about ancient women because no one told their stories. No one believed their stories mattered.

Consider that cultural context as you read Matthew 1:1-17. This passage is describing the royal lineage of Jesus. It is the beginning of Matthew’s proof that Jesus is the promised Messiah and he is worth following. Think about this passage in the genre of noble tales and bards proclaiming the worth of their chosen hero.

In our world, we skim the passage and think “what? Only 5 women! What a jerk!” But for Matthew, this was a ballsy move. In the culture Matthew was writing to, it was absolutely radical that he included women. Sometimes, we women look at the Bible and think, “Wow. God really left us out.” But in the ancient world of warfare, God had to really knock men over the head to get them to see how much he values us women. It is miraculous that ancient men wrote any stories of women for Matthew to share.

When you understand how rejected Matthew was (read here), it makes sense that he understood how much God includes and values women. Matthew knew that rejection from religious people does not mean we are rejected by God. The more we understand this, the more we understand how inclusive and loving God is. Matthew knew this. He pointed to God’s inclusive, loving plan by including women in the family lineage of Jesus.

It gets even cooler when you hear the stories of the women he included.

The Overlooked Story of Tamar’s Awesomeness

For today, let’s just consider the first woman in this lineage: Tamar.

The story of Tamar is found in Gen 38. Her story is a major part of the story of Joseph. (Though not one I’ve ever heard a preacher emphasize.)

God’s plan was to build a great nation through Abraham. This nation was going to show the world how much God loves us. It took a lot of work to break through to these guys and they kept screwing up royally as can be seen in the story of Joseph. Joseph’s brother’s were all jealous of him, with good reason. Joseph’s father Jacob (Israel) favored Joseph above all of his brother because Joseph was the son of his favorite wife, Rachel. (And that’s a whole other messed up story…)

These brothers, who became the fathers of the twelve tribes of Israel were bitter and petty. They sold Joseph into slavery in Egypt. Then they told Jacob that Joseph was dead.

Later, one of the brothers, Judah had a son named Er. Er married Tamar. The biblical account tells us that Er did something wicked and died. Because of inheritance laws and all kinds of weirdness, Tamar was given to Er’s brother Onan. Onan was supposed to provide children for Er through Tamar. Onan had sex with her but did a Bridgerton on her (he pulled out before ejaculation) so that she didn’t getpregnant. It was a horrible offense to Tamar but there was nothing she could do. Her only value in their society was through having children and this man was forced on her, then denied her the possibility of having children.  God struck Onan dead for this offense.

(By the way, this story has been widely used to forbid masturbation and birth control. Both conclusions are weird stretches from a single story. The more obvious example of justice is how God cared about Tamar and the way she was being treated in this family.)

Then the story gets crazier. Judah was afraid for Tamar to marry his third son because the first two died. Rather than seek God and figure out what was up, Judah lied to Tamar. He promised to give her to the third son but told her to go back to her family and wait.

After several years, Tamar realized that Judah had no intention of sending his son to her. So she took matters into her own hands. One day, she heard that Judah was in her area with his sheep. She dressed up like a prostitute and went out to meet him. After she had sex with Judah, he promised to send her a payment. She asked for his staff, cord and seal as collateral.

When Judah returned home, he sent a servant to pay off the prostitute he had slept with. The servant searched for her but couldn’t find her. Judah told the servant not to search for the prostitute anymore because he didn’t want to be embarrassed.

Later, Judah found out that Tamar was pregnant. His incredibly hypocritical response was to say that she deserved to be put to death for practicing prostitution. At this point, Tamar sent the staff, cord and seal to Judah with a message saying, “I’m pregnant by the man who owns these.”

The crazy part of the story that patriarchal church culture overlooks is that Tamar was the righteous one is this story. Tamar is the one God protected. She showed Judah how wrong he was. God worked through Tamar to protect the family lineage and his plan. Judah was messing it up.

Tamar’s story ends with Judah bringing her back to his house and taking care of her. And there is a final note that Judah never had sex with her again. This seems like an odd point to us. But in that time period, she was basically his property and he was giving her the privileges of being his wife. It was a really big deal that he didn’t sleep with her anymore. He changed because of her. Since he freely slept with prostitutes, we know that he didn’t mind using women. But after he saw God working through Tamar, he changed.

Judah’s change is significant in the history of Israel. When Judah went back to Joseph to ask for food, Joseph tested his brothers. Joseph knew what petty jealous people they had been. He wanted to see if they had changed. So, Joseph told his brothers he was going to keep their youngest brother Benjamin in prison until they brought Jacob back to him. When Judah spoke up and offered to stay in Benjamin’s place, Joseph knew that his brothers had changed. Eventually, Joseph reunited with his brothers and saved the nation of Israel.

Claiming Your Awesomeness

In a time where we see case after case of abusive church leaders, we ladies need to rise up and claim our value. Anyone who shames you, de-values you, or uses you is not representing God. God loves and empowers us. If he confronts us with “sin” he empowers us to overcome it and he forgives us. If you are walking around feeling unworthy and like you never do enough. If you delight from the slightest attention from your leaders because it somehow adds value to what you are attempting, you are listening to the wrong voices.

God wants to come along side you no matter what you are going through. He wants to walk with you through it. He wants to give you power to rise above it. Even when you are in an impossible situation like Tamar was. In a situation where all the powers around you say you deserve your situation and refuse to help. God sees. He cares. Your value is not determined by your circumstances. God is not on the side of abusers. Especially when they cloak their abuse in religion.

I believe God is working in our culture. He wants us to know our value. When we claim that value, those who pushed us aside will see our righteousness. Many of them will recognize God working in our lives and they will change. Either way, we will be part of the very awesome work of advancing his kingdom. And his kingdom is an incredible place of acceptance for us all.

(In my next posts, I will be sharing the other four stories.)

Please join in the discussion! I’d love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Cindy