John 11&12 Despair and Devotion in 2021

My 2021 Despair

I have a vague memory of being a super hopeful, encouraging extrovert. But lately, I’ve been lying in bed for thirty minutes (or so…) after I wake up, just wondering what the point is.

Cause, I’ve experienced a lot of disappointment and I’m tired of trying to re-group and focus on the positive. In three days, (2/26) the novel I’ve been working on for a year (or so…) will be released for sale on Amazon. I had HUGE plans for how exciting this day would be. I was going to have a party… I was going to travel. But… 2020 part 2 is happening. On top of all of this, the circle of people I offend is expanding much quicker than the circle of people I’m encouraging. So… there’s that…

It often leaves me questioning: Jesus, where are you? When are you going to show up? Cause you could have fixed all of this.

The story of Lazarus in John 11

Tension was growing around Jesus’ ministry. Because Jesus was gaining such a big following, religious leaders viewed him as a threat and they were trying to get rid of him. As the threat was growing, the disciples heard Lazarus was sick. Lazarus and his sisters were huge supporters of Jesus, so it surprised the disciples that Jesus didn’t run to heal Lazarus. Instead, Jesus waited until after Lazarus was dead.

Then Jesus told them plainly, “I’m glad this happened, cause I’m ‘bout to show y’all what’s up so you can believe.” (vs. 14-15 loose paraphrase)

I love the reaction from Thomas. He shows some true 2021 despair when he tells the other disciples, “Cool. Let’s all go with Jesus so we can die with him.” (vs. 16)

Then things get crazy.

Reactions to Jesus raising Lazarus:

1.     Belief- Many of the people who were there that day believed in Jesus.

2.     Confusion- Others went and reported to the Pharisees.

Ponder this for a moment: They saw a dead guy raised to life, and they reacted by saying, “Hmmm what would our religious leaders say about this?” But their reaction makes total sense. Because it is incredibly hard for any of us to confront our cultural and religious beliefs.

3.     Concern for comfort- The religious leaders reacted to the miracle with immediate concern about the political ramifications. So, they made a plan to arrest Jesus.

4.     Complete devotion-In chapter 12, Jesus returns to the home of Lazarus. Mary shows her complete devotion to Jesus by anointing his feet with expensive oil and wiping them with her hair. She humbled herself by taking on the job of the lowest servant and by letting her hair down in public.

The reaction to Mary’s devotion? Immediate criticism.

The more important crazy-awesome part of her story. She had no idea what she was doing. She had no idea what was about to go down. She simply acted out of pure love and gratitude.

In John 12:12, we learn that the next day, was the triumphal entry. As Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, the crowds would have smelled the fragrant oil Mary anointed Jesus with. Everyone associated that smell with the anointing of a leader about to claim his throne.

For me, the encouragement in Mary’s example is this:

Though, I still wonder whine, about “Jesus, why aren’t you fixing this?” I remember who he is. I remember that he is with me in all of this. Sometimes it’s just super hard to hear him over the constant noisy whining in my head!

But when I take time to reflect on the outcome of Mary’s sacrifice, I remember that whatever I do out of pure devotion to Jesus, matters. When I focus on him and how much he adores us, I don’t have to worry about pleasing the world. If I’m following him, their rejection may be leading to huge triumphs.

Sure, I’m disappointed. I hope I never get to the point where I enjoy people being mean to me. But the more I read the stories of Jesus, the more I see that I’m in good company when I’m being criticized. The more I see that doubt and despair are often part of the journey. And the more I realize, I have no idea how much Jesus can do with sacrifice from a fully devoted heart.

Blessings my friends!

Tell me your thoughts. How do you keep focused on what’s important? How do you remember to work from a place of devotion rather than proving yourself right? (yup, that’s probably the heart of my struggle…)

*Also, I fully acknowledge being a spoiled white woman, but I still have valid problems. When I spend time with Jesus, I do get beyond my suburban problems and care about others. My book ministry is expanding to include other writers. The small circle of people I’m encouraging means everything, and it’s all worth it. I just need a lot of reminders!